This article was originally written for the Core Collective blog, and reproduced on the Table For Two blog.
Our planet is home to 7.5 billion people and while all 7.5 billion of us differ in gender, race, weight, height, hobbies, and opinions, there’s one thing we all have in common: a desire for love.
But what is it about Love that drives the human race to seek it so intensely? And how can we make finding it easier? We’ve asked Certified Dating Practitioner Joanne and Life & Wellness Coach Carita, from Table For Two to walk us through it.
According to Joanne and Carita, the motivation to find love, generally speaking, is the desire for happiness. Science has shown that when we fall in love, the brain produces increased amounts of Phenylethylamine (PEA). PEA produces the neurochemical Dopamine, which contributes to the pleasurable feeling of euphoria and elation. These are chemicals that may have evolved to encourage pair-bonding in our early evolutionary history.
Love is also considered one of our most fundamental and basic needs. A theory dates all the way back to the 1940’s when a psychoanalyst and physician, Rene Spitz, studied infants in institutions who were deprived of love and parental affection. He found that even when orphans were provided with the basic needs of survival in the way of food, clothing, and shelter; those without loving human contact and affection suffered from higher mortality rates and were more likely to grow up with psychological, cognitive and behavioural problems. It was through this that he theorised that to love and to be loved is considered one of our most fundamental and basic needs.
Falling in love, it seems, is a primitive instinct.
What Makes Love So Difficult to Find? – A Mentality to Leave Behind
Without even realising it, we tend to create a mental list of prerequisites or expectations that a certain individual must satisfy before we can even consider them a potential partner. For example, this person has to be physically attractive, willing and able to share the lifestyle you currently have or aspire to have, satisfies your sexual needs, has the financial means and earning potential or shares the same values, beliefs and religion as you do.
These kinds of expectations could be influenced by our family, peers, societal norms or even fairytales where we take on other people’s expectations and make them our own. They can also have something to do with ego, image and conformity.
According to Joanne and Carita, having such strict criteria in seeking a partner could set oneself up for disappointment and failure. Finding a partner to fulfill all these expectations is unrealistic and could potentially leave us with … well – no one. By challenging this mentality, you’ll be giving yourself a better chance of finding Love.
A New Approach to Finding a Partner
There are many ways by which to have a change of mindset and embrace a new approach in finding a partner. Here are some suggestions:
- Consider the person’s value on and relationship with money rather than their job or social status
- Place a greater emphasis on the person’s belief in self-care and responsibility for their health rather than on purely physical attractiveness and looks
- Look beyond family background, upbringing and education level and seek someone with a genuine level of social awareness and altruism.
Feeling courageous and looking for opportunities to expand your social circle?
Table For Six is a unique and first-in-Singapore concept for the personalised matching of six people. You along with five other singles will be involved in a curated experience that enables for a higher level of engagement. The social setting will encourage the meeting of like-minded individuals with the intention of establishing deeper connections.
Interested? Express your interest by dropping an email to firstname.lastname@example.org.