Insider Tips

“You shouldn’t settle.”

How many of you had been given this piece of advice growing up?  How vigorously are you applying this to your daily choices and decision making process, career, relationships or in seeking a partner? And how has it been working out for you?

Dating is so hard as when it comes to seeking a partner, there is often a delicate balance between “not settling” and “embracing and adapting to one’s current situation.” This blog explores the nuances of these approaches, aiming to shed light on how they impact our search for a partner. By understanding the distinctions, we can navigate this journey with clarity, self-awareness, and the potential for genuine connection.



The Power of Not Settling and it’s Limitation

In our search for a partner, “not settling” can be both empowering and limiting.

Not settling involves maintaining personal standards.  It means refusing to compromise our core values, desires, and aspirations. It also means staying true to our authentic selves.  It requires resisting the temptation to conform to societal expectations or compromise our true nature for the sake of being in a relationship. By staying authentic, we attract partners who appreciate and value us for who we truly are.

On the other hand, if the refusal to settle becomes too rigid or unrealistic, it may lead to missed experiences or dismissing potential partners who could bring joy and fulfilment in unexpected ways. In such cases, it can be beneficial to reassess criteria, explore underlying beliefs, and remain open to new possibilities while maintaining core values and priorities.

It is, therefore, important to approach the concept of “not settling” with a realistic and flexible mindset that allows for meaningful connections or fulfilling relationships.



When Settling is NOT an Option

You have every right to remain resolute in not settling for someone who doesn’t meet all your criteria in a potential partner.  But, what is the likelihood of someone achieving that?  The realistic answer is “highly unlikely.”  If you maintained that trajectory, the outcome could very possibly be that you may never find a partner.

Here is where it’d be prudent to have a very honest reality check, e.g. why do we often chase the ones who got away, and make peace with yourself in order for you to continue to live a happy and fulfilling life.

By all means, stay hopeful but give yourself a timeline.  Hoping endlessly can be like chasing a mirage in the desert, seeking an oasis that remains out of reach.  It can be emotionally and mentally exhausting, causing you to neglect other important areas of your life.  Whether you’re in or out of the “Hopeful” zone, keep doing the things that you love, exploring new hobbies and creating the happiness that’s not dependent on another person’s existence in your life.  When you immerse yourself in genuine happiness and embrace your true self, the radiance that emanates from within may effortlessly captivate the attention of someone truly remarkable.



Settling vs Embracing and Adapting

Settling for something typically implies accepting or choosing something that may not fully meet one’s desires, aspirations, or potential. It suggests a compromise or accepting less than what one truly wants or deserves.

On the other hand, “embracing one’s current situation and adapting” refers to finding contentment in one’s present circumstances; it involves an understanding of the reality of the situation and taking appropriate actions to navigate it effectively. It suggests a willingness to engage with and make the most of the opportunities available in the here and now.

What if we chose to change our perspective and narrative?  After all, we are the stories we tell ourselves. If “I’m not being stubborn!  I’m determined” holds true, then it follows that, “I’m not settling. I’m embracing and adapting.”



Embracing + Adapting = Flourishing

As we evolve and change, so do our needs.  Embracing our true selves involves acknowledging and welcoming our current status without judgment or resistance. It requires self-reflection to gain clarity on our present needs, desires, and the possibilities available to us. By embracing who we are now, we open ourselves up to new perspectives and potential paths.

Within the realm of full acceptance, making purposeful adaptations become essential.  It means exploring areas where we can grow, improve, or venturing outside of our box, or discarding the box entirely to enhance our chances of finding a compatible partner.  These adaptations involve refining our expectations while remaining true to our core values.

At the same time, being curious and exploring outside of our comfort zone, we pave the way for a flourishing partnership that aligns with our deepest desires.



When the Dust Settles

In the end, the decision of whether to settle or not settle is deeply personal and unique to each individual. It is a choice that requires careful introspection, self-reflection, and an honest evaluation of one’s needs, values, and desires.

Whilst settling should never be seen as the only option, it’s equally important to cultivate a realistic mindset, understanding that nobody is perfect and compromise is a natural part of any partnership.

So, take the time to understand yourself, trust your instincts, embrace your journey, and live your life to the fullest. No one has to do it the hard way, getting support from a Life Coach could help you gain clarity on one of the most important decisions of your life.


All images from Unsplash unless otherwise stated.


All images from Unsplash unless otherwise stated.

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